Cable TV

CLICK--"...now for the news. Election 8 months away and we’re already bored. Bill Clinton with the report...”

CLICK--"...my opponent for President was on both sides of the sex-with-goats issue..."

CLICK--“...looks like Alexis has just been voted right off the plank in this week’s installment of ‘Survivor: The Bounty’....”

CLICK--“....this here’s a story ‘bout a man named Ed,
shared a government contract with his older brother Fred.
Then one day, they were catering some food,
when up jumped an audit, and they got their asses sued...
Sued that is....overcharging for Texas tea.....”

CLICK--"...and it's real strange, Guinan. He's hasn't been acting right since his colon was sucked out into space during that accidental pressure breach in the Shuttle toilet."

"Now, now, Troi. It's hard to believe you're a psychic sometimes, you're so freaking dense. He's just going through some typical personality changes that occur when one's asshole is turned inside out. Nothing to worry about..."

CLICK--"...Gilligan, just rip the insulation off that washed up power cable.....WHOOPS, sorry little buddy..."

CLICK--"...and in his new book, "Michael Jackson Played with My Woody", Howdy Doody describes his sexual relationship with the pop superstar..."

CLICK--“...OK, Gilligan, now move that refined uranium real careful.....WHOOPS, sorry little Buddy....”

CLICK--"....Look, King Kong has climbed to the top of the Empire State Building....now it's starting to rain...."

"That ain't rain....."

CLICK--“....and move the killer bees over to the lagoon....”

CLICK--“...my opponent is a poo-poo head. That means his head is made of poo. And the consistency of the poo is...”

CLICK--".....WHOOPS, little buddy...."

CLICK--"....we've secretly switched the coffee this office normally uses with dog shit...let's see if anyone notices...."

"Goddamn, this coffee tastes like dog-shit! I'm gonna kick somebody's ass..."

CLICK--“....my Republican opponent for President is so stupid, he doesn't even know what side of the dog the coffee comes out of....”

CLICK--".....Scott Peterson jurors caught having sex, dismissed. Martha Stewart carves gun out of soap, escapes prison. Judge Judy decapitated...film at ten...."

CLICK--"....Clark Kent killed in freak accident....Superman missing...film at ten...."

CLICK--"....and our contract with America clearly states that we, the House, shall be worshipped six times at day by facing Washington and..."

CLICK--"....running all night, 1-star movies you didn't even pay to see in the 80's....."

CLICK