Classic crooner Alan Greenspan, famous for such hits as “The Fat Cat Tax Cut Shuffle” and “There Ain’t No Mo Money Fo U Blues” appeared for a one night only performance at the Senate Special Committee on Aging.
Even though you couldn’t be there, you can enjoy Greenspan’s erudite enunciation and eloquent extrapolation on this newly released 2 CD set entitled: “Greenspan: Oops! I’m Translated Again”.
Greenspan: We were confronted at the time with an almost universal expectation amongst experts that we were dealing with a very large surplus for which there seemed to be no end.
Translation: Ok, we were spending Clinton’s surplus like drunken sailors on shore leave, but that youthful indiscretion is all behind us now.
Greenspan: I look back and I would say to you, if confronted with the same evidence we had back then, I would recommend exactly what I recommended then.
Translation: Sure, I’d do the same wrong thing all over again if that’s what it took to keep my fuddy-duddy job.
Greenspan: Turns out we were all wrong.
Translation: Woo Hoo!! That’s how you get promoted in this Administration.
Translation: Ok, we were spending Clinton’s surplus like drunken sailors on shore leave, but that youthful indiscretion is all behind us now.
Greenspan: I look back and I would say to you, if confronted with the same evidence we had back then, I would recommend exactly what I recommended then.
Translation: Sure, I’d do the same wrong thing all over again if that’s what it took to keep my fuddy-duddy job.
Greenspan: Turns out we were all wrong.
Translation: Woo Hoo!! That’s how you get promoted in this Administration.
Greenspan: Increasing labor-force participation seems a natural response to population aging, as Americans are not only living longer but are also generally living healthier.
Translation: Unfortunately, that’s what happens when you take disease and famine out of the equation.
Greenspan: This is not a hugely difficult problem to solve.
Translation: We can easily expedite a significant decline in the number of people drawing social security by reducing their corresponding medical benefits, effectively offsetting rising expenses. Oops, did I say that out loud?
Greenspan: And I guess what is missing is the fact that at this stage there has been a rather low interest in actually joining, in finding out where some of the agreements are, and I have a suspicion that when that occurs, that will happen.
Translation: While it may appear that I’ve actually said something positive, this passage will ultimately remain vague and untranslatable.
Greenspan: It may well be that some mechanism such as that which we employed in 1983 may be a useful mechanism to get groups together and find out where there are agreements.
Translation: We would call on the same experts we used then, but unfortunately they’re all retired.
Greenspan: We need, in effect, to make the phantom 'lockboxes' around the trust fund real.
Translation: Yeah, I’ll bet you wish you had Gore and his proverbial lockbox now, suckers!
Greenspan: And something has got to give soon because we don't have the choice of not resolving this issue.
Translation: If you think old people are cranky now just wait until we tell them we spent all their social security money on the spread of democracy.
Greenspan: Extending labor-force participation by just a few years could have a sizable impact on economic output.
Translation: Work or die! Our entire economy depends on you!
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