Translation of Alan Greenspan Singing The Blues About Social Security

Classic crooner Alan Greenspan, famous for such hits as “The Fat Cat Tax Cut Shuffle” and “There Ain’t No Mo Money Fo U Blues” appeared for a one night only performance at the Senate Special Committee on Aging.

Even though you couldn’t be there, you can enjoy Greenspan’s erudite enunciation and eloquent extrapolation on this newly released 2 CD set entitled: “Greenspan: Oops! I’m Translated Again”.

Greenspan: We were confronted at the time with an almost universal expectation amongst experts that we were dealing with a very large surplus for which there seemed to be no end.

Translation: Ok, we were spending Clinton’s surplus like drunken sailors on shore leave, but that youthful indiscretion is all behind us now.

Greenspan: I look back and I would say to you, if confronted with the same evidence we had back then, I would recommend exactly what I recommended then.

Translation: Sure, I’d do the same wrong thing all over again if that’s what it took to keep my fuddy-duddy job.

Greenspan: Turns out we were all wrong.

Translation: Woo Hoo!! That’s how you get promoted in this Administration.

Greenspan: Increasing labor-force participation seems a natural response to population aging, as Americans are not only living longer but are also generally living healthier.

Translation: Unfortunately, that’s what happens when you take disease and famine out of the equation.

Greenspan: This is not a hugely difficult problem to solve.

Translation: We can easily expedite a significant decline in the number of people drawing social security by reducing their corresponding medical benefits, effectively offsetting rising expenses. Oops, did I say that out loud?

Greenspan: And I guess what is missing is the fact that at this stage there has been a rather low interest in actually joining, in finding out where some of the agreements are, and I have a suspicion that when that occurs, that will happen.

Translation: While it may appear that I’ve actually said something positive, this passage will ultimately remain vague and untranslatable.

Greenspan: It may well be that some mechanism such as that which we employed in 1983 may be a useful mechanism to get groups together and find out where there are agreements.

Translation: We would call on the same experts we used then, but unfortunately they’re all retired.

Greenspan: We need, in effect, to make the phantom 'lockboxes' around the trust fund real.

Translation: Yeah, I’ll bet you wish you had Gore and his proverbial lockbox now, suckers!

Greenspan: And something has got to give soon because we don't have the choice of not resolving this issue.

Translation: If you think old people are cranky now just wait until we tell them we spent all their social security money on the spread of democracy.

Greenspan: Extending labor-force participation by just a few years could have a sizable impact on economic output.

Translation: Work or die! Our entire economy depends on you!