THUMP’D!

Bobby Brown Brings His Own Personal Style of Mayhem To Television


Master Prankster and Bad Boy Bobby Brown sets up other celebrity pranksters to get whacked like pinatas in this season’s newest and funniest reality show Thump’d. Tired of seeing people with too much time on their hands getting together with people with too many cameras and setting someone else up for ridicule? Well, this is the show that turns all that B.S. right on it’s ear!

Bobby Brown sets these fake friends up to get the practical joke bug beat right out of them by going overboard on the prank they’re in on and turning the finger right where it belongs: at the conspirators. Then watch the fun when they get smacked into next week by the irate butt of a joke gone too far. “This show is too funny! I’ll never punk anybody ever again,” remarked Punk’d producer Ashton Kutcher under extreme duress.

The premier episode features notorious practical joker George Clooney and Brad Pitt where Clooney sets up Pitt to make him believe Jennifer Aniston wants to reconcile their relationship. Acting as an intermediary, George takes Brad to a swank Las Vegas hotel when Brad believes he will meet Jennifer who reputedly has just found out she is pregnant. But instead they plan on finding Matt Damon in drag and a pregnancy body suit. Unknown to George and Matt several unknown sex videos of Jennifer from 10 years ago have surfaced, one featuring a young Clooney in a drunken horizontal bop with a clearly unconscious Jennifer.

As the pair enters the darkened room, Bobby Brown starts the video, driving Pitt into a jealous rage, while a clueless Clooney futilely tries to back petal. After filming George being beaten into a coma with a brass table lamp, Brown emerges from a back room screaming at the unconscious Clooney, “You just got Thump’d, Sucker!” He then whisks Pitt from the room after forcing Damon at gunpoint to put his fingerprints on the lamp. Massive memory loss makes Clooney unable to positively identify his assailant and Damon is held on charges of assault with intend to kill.

Next week, Bobby Brown finally does something about Dave Chappelle with guest thumpers P. Diddy and Eminem along for the ride.

Desperate Housewife Attempts to Disrupt Monday Night Football

Less than a week after wimping out of Saving Private Ryan for fear of offending viewers, ABC defiantly stormed back with a controversial skit at the opening of Monday’s Eagles-Cowboys game. The segment consisted of Desperate Housewives cast member Nicollette Sheridan wearing only a towel and attempting to seduce Philadelphia receiver Terrell Owens. Failing to find a suitable way to blame Janet Jackson for the debacle, the NFL quickly apologized.

''ABC's opening was inappropriate and unsuitable for our Monday Night Football audience,'' the NFL said in a statement. ``While ABC may have gained attention for one of its other shows, the NFL and its fans lost.'' In promoting the Desperate Housewives segment while leaving Private Ryan blowing in the wind, ABC demonstrated that use of the F-word in a war scenario is improper, while actually doing it before a football game isn’t.

''We have heard from many of our viewers about last night's opening segment,'' ABC said in a statement. ''We agree the placement was inappropriate.'' ABC spokesman Mark Mandel said the segment was a ''collaborative effort'' by several ABC employees. These employees were unavailable for comment as they were busy posting resumes and scripting the F-word into their job descriptions.

Many complaints weren’t with regard to the risqué nature of the segment, but the banality. “I wasn’t so much upset about the sexual content. It’s just…well, it kind of sucked!” one viewer complained on Howard Stern’s radio show, just before being fined by the FCC for using the S-word. Stern’s on-air reply drew another $250,000 in fines. An NFL spokesman doesn't believe Monday's incident will affect ABC's chances of retaining Monday Night Football rights past the 2005 season. But others see ABC’s future with the NFL as “All But Canceled”.

FCC Chairman Michael Powell weighed in on the incident with, "I wonder if Walt Disney would be proud," apparently alluding to the fact that ABC is owned by The Walt Disney Co. Mr. Powell, however, had no comment about the same moral values that elected a president pertaining to the entertainment industry.

Meanwhile, Private Ryan is still missing in action as the producer of the popular adulterous housewives ponders a spin-off series, Saving Ryan’s Privates. “It’s a hospital drama about desperate nurses,” said executive producer Marc Cherry. The pilot episode reputedly guest stars “Wild Thing” from the popular Viagra commercial being admitted for a stroke, visual defects, cardiac arrest and prolonged erection.