John McCain: Translated in Iowa

John McCain is a maverick…in the same vein as the mid-sized Ford from the 1970’s. It was rumored to be a mustang replacement that never lived up to its hype, got awful gas mileage but for a brief while it was quite popular. With a little more than a month left until the election, McCain is trying to get some traction on the rain slick campaign trail. Translated are remarks McCain made 18 September 2008 at a rally in Iowa. If McCain’s campaign had a theme song, it would be “The Boxer” by Simon and Garfunkel:


I am just a poor boy and my story’s seldom told. I’ve squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises. All lies and jest, still the man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest, hmmmm…

McCain: "The regulators were asleep, my friends. The chairman of the SEC serves at the appointment of the president. And in my view has betrayed the public trust. If I were president today, I would fire him."
TRANSLATION: “I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers, consultin' with the rain. And my head I'd be scratchin' while my thoughts were busy hatchin' If I only had a brain.!”

McCain: "My opponent sees an economic crisis as a political opportunity instead of an opportunity to lead."
TRANSLATION: “We’re up to our armpits in political opportunities these days.”

McCain: “While Sen. Obama was lining his pockets with campaign contributors, he didn’t lift a finger.”
TRANSLATION: “Is that a campaign contributor in your pocket, Obama, or are you just happy to see my meltdown!?”

McCain: "Banks and brokers took on huge amounts of debt and they hid the riskiest of all investments."
TRANSLATION: “ENOUGH QUESTIONS ABOUT PALIN! ”

Sean Combs: TRANSLATED

If you recall 2004's "Vote or Die" campaign, this is really going to kill you! Diddy does it again, asking McCain to explain what's on his brain. Inane disdain with no net gain...

Diddy: "Attention John McCain, attention John McCain, my name is Diddy…I had to check in with you to tell you that you are bugging the f--- out. I don't even understand what planet you're on right now.! This is the job to be the leader of the free world.

Translation: “Mr. John McCain, it’s me Sean Combs, Puff Daddy, Puffy, P. Diddy and “just” Diddy. So ponder for a moment how confusing your vice-Presidential selection is for a person like me who can’t even select a moniker that makes sense.”

Diddy: "Ok, no disrespect. I love you. I want you to live to be 110, but things happen. What if, God forbid, you got a running mate, you become president -- Alaska? Alaska? Alaska? Alaska? Come on, man. I don’t know if there's any black people in Alaska.

Translation: “I know you’d think a person with my millions of dollars would have traveled more extensively and have sense enough not to disrespect Eskimos and that black dude that lives in Alaska.”

Diddy: "John, like, come on! Sarah Palin? Yo, if you really think that we're gonna let you win this election with these, like, crazy, these crazy decisions that you're making, you're buggin'. "

Translation: “You’re bugging worst than I was that night I thought J. Lo’s ass was a Siamese twin. “