Dunn's Daily Translations

Here's an item that didn't work out with the New York Times. Kind of like Daily Affirmations many newspapers have. With the exception they ain't all that inspiring.

Day 1
Abraham Lincoln: “ Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

Translated By George Bush at 4 November 2004 News Conference: "Let me put it to you this way: I earned capital in the campaign, political capital, and now I intend to spend it. It is my style.”

Day 2
Howard Stern on his Radio Show 11 November 2004: "A buddy of mine who shall remain nameless says ... Viacom is trying to get Sirius [Satellite Radio] to pay off my contract and then I would leave early 'cause Sirius is anxious to get the show started.”

Translated by Albert Einstein: “To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.”

Translated by Friedrich Nietzsche: “At times one remains faithful to a cause only because opponents do not cease to be insipid.”

Translated by Mark Twain: “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.”

Day 3
Michael Scheuer, the former head of the CIA's Osama bin Laden Unit, as reported by ABC News 15 November 2004: "The current turmoil is a combination of a new administration under Mr. Goss, but also a decade of frustration that the clandestine service has been blamed for many problems that occurred."

Translation: “Panic now and avoid the rush.”

Translated by William Shakespeare: “Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.”

Day 4
Joseph Cirincione of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, as reported by CNN 15 November 2004: "Our policy toward Pakistan is basically the hope that everything stays OK."

Translated by Benjamin Franklin: “He that lives upon hope will die fasting.”

Day 5
Justin Timberlake taunting fleeing photographers outside a hotel: "Come and fight, you chickens."

Translation: “ Please allow me to execute a daring, macho move and boost my floundering celebrity status at your expense.”

Day 6
Colin Powell after resigning as Secretary of State 15 November 2004: “As we got closer to the election and in the immediate aftermath of the election it seemed an appropriate time and we were in mutual agreement that it was the appropriate time for me to move on. We knew where we were heading.”

Translated by Sir Winston Churchill: “History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”

Translated by Condoleeza Rice: “Mine. All mine! Mine, mine, mine!”

Day 7

Vice-President Cheney at George Washington University Hospital after undergoing three hours of tests 13 November 2004: "I feel fine."

Translated by the Tin-Man from Wizard of Oz: “When a man’s an empty kettle, he should be on his mettle. And yet I’m torn apart. Just because I’m presumin’ that I could be kinda human if I only had a heart.”

Translation: “F**k you!”

Day 8
Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld in El Salvador, 12 November 2004: "The people of Iraq are learning today what both El Salvador and the United States learned during their own struggles for independence and freedom: it's not easy...and it requires patience and has costs."

Translation: “Though the revolutions for independence of the United States, Mexico and Central American bear no resemblance to the invasion and regime change experienced by the Iraqis, thank goodness we can still idly apply unrepresentative homilies to the situation.”

Day 9

Statement Released by Barbra Streisand, Posted on November 8, 2004: ”In response to the results of the Presidential election last week, I would like to share with you a quote from Thomas Jefferson. Although written in 1798, I feel his words speak perfectly to the strong sentiments of frustration and disappointment 48% of the country feel: ‘A little patience, and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their spells dissolve, and the people, recovering their true sight, restore their government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are suffering deeply in spirit, and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public debt......If the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at stake.’

Translated by Confucius: “ He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.”

Translated by Charles A. Dana: western journalist: “Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth.”

Translation: “Blah, blah, blah! And in case you don’t remember Alec Baldwin and I supposedly left the country after the LAST election!”

Day 10
Michael Jackson regarding Eminem’s new video, speaking to FOX News 12 November 04: “And I also want to make it clear that it's not just about Michael Jackson but about a pattern of disrespect that he has shown to our community. He needs to stop it, and he needs to stop it now."

Translation: “In my deluded state, I automatically associate any personal attacks on myself as an attack on the collective black community, even though I’m whiter than Eminem is.”

Day 11

Pat Buchanan, MSNBC political analyst, November 16, 2004, regarding Condoleezza Rice: “Dr. Rice is a scholar and Dr. Rice is a staffer. She is going to be sitting on top of a rebellious institution which adores Colin Powell and which is not going to go quietly if there`s going to be blood all over the floor there.”

Translation: “I see dead people!”

Day 12

International Energy Agency monthly report for November 2004: "Barring any major unforeseen developments, oil markets should continue to ease heading into and out of the winter."

Translation: “ Given that most major developments in the commodities market are unforeseen, I wouldn’t sell whale oil futures short just yet.”

Day 13
Alan Greenspan to the House Budget Committee on September 8, 2004: "If you get to a point of fairly significant long-term structural budget deficits, it begins to impact on the level of long-term interest rates."

Translation: “Consider a promising future in loan-sharking.”

Day 14

Bill Clinton, November 9, 2004 at Hamilton College: “The good news is I can say whatever I think. The bad news is, since I'm not president, nobody listens anymore

Translation: “Given the cosmic choice between absolute candid conversation versus having the vast responsibility of the presidency without the benefit of full disclosure, not to mention all the public adulation and careful attention to all details of what might come out of my mouth, I have to say that I’ve given both mutually exclusive options ample thought and have come to the conclusion that having that full attention of a sizable portion of the United States voting public at any particular time is significantly more appealing than living in the relative obscurity that comes with being divorced from public life. Hello? Hello, anybody out there?"